GEN IV: Chapter 16

The family woke late the next day. It was nearly noon before Jennifer came out of her room. She sat on the edge of her bed sobbing over the loss of her mother. She was barely a teenager and her mom had been ripped from her life, and that was a lot to handle.

Brian would have stayed in the bed if not for Logan. The toddler had woken and was ready to eat. Brian slowly roused and picked up his little boy. He thought seriously for a moment about just putting Logan downstairs with a bottle and going back to bed. Then he thought better of it. Brian changed clothes and went down.

When Brian went into the kitchen to start their meal he saw that Jennifer was already working on it.

"Thanks Jenn. I appreciate it. Normally your mom would..." Abruptly he stopped talking.

Jennifer nodded. "No problem dad. Just trying to help. By the way, the dishwasher is broken. Do you think you could fix it before I wash the lunch dishes?"

Brian just bobbed his head up and down without saying a word. Jennifer took that as a yes and grabbed a bowl of Mac & Cheese.

Just after lunch Jennifer thought that it would be a good time to teach Logan to walk. His birthday was creeping closer, just a few days away. Thinking of his birthday made Jennifer realise that their mom would not be there to witness his growth. She nearly cried, but fought the feeling.

Brian sat next to his children and watched Jennifer take on the role of a mother. He felt bad that he had not thought of teaching Logan, but since Rachel's death he couldn't seem to get his mind focused on anything but her memory. At Logan's first, or maybe second step - he really was not paying much attention - Brian tried to cheer for his little man, but he could not pull the proper emotion out of his sadness.

Logan learned how to walk quickly, he got the idea within hours of the lesson. The rest of the evening consisted of him just walking around, just because he could. Brian remained there on that couch unable, or maybe unwilling, to move. Jennifer didn't do much either, she fed Logan when he seemed hungry and put him to bed. She was starting to worry about her father being so depressed.

The next morning found Brian actually taking out the trash, only because there was some spoiled food thrown away and the trash compactor truly stank.

While he was putting the bag in the can outside he glanced at his new car. Driven only once. He didn't want it anymore, didn't like it. It reminded him of Rachel and he felt bad that buying it made her upset. He would sell it at the first available opportunity.

Pretty soon Jennifer was off to school. Even though she wanted to, she couldn't stay home. Life had to push on through the pain. She wiped her eyes clear of the recent tears that she couldn't fight back and got on the bus.

Logan and Brian laid down for a nap right after the school bus pulled away. In Brian's eyes, there was nothing better to do with his time.

When they woke from their nap Brian took Logan downstairs to play while he went up to do the inevitable; clean up the mess from the fire. When he entered his room he stopped and looked around. As if the memories weren't fresh enough, the smell of the soot and burnt wood reminded him again of the sight of his beloved wife lying dead on the floor.

Brian blinked back the tears that were determined to fall as he got the mop out, ready to scrub the floor. This was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do. Brian disassembled the bed and took it out to the garbage, he swept up the soot piles and threw out the burnt chair. He also took a sledgehammer to the fireplace. Brian needed that gone. There was no way that he could ever get over Rachel's death if that was still in this room. He couldn't help but think that this was all his fault, after all - he was the one who started the fire. Just after cleaning the mess from the destroyed fireplace, it came to his attention that Logan was crying. He wasn't sure how long his little guy had been upset but he found him and apologized.

"Sorry Logan. Hungry?" Brian's speech had become short and to the point lately. He didn't say anything that he didn't have to.

Logan nodded vigorously. "Mommy make pa-scetti?"

Brian frowned. "No. Just baby food."

Logan pouted but accepted his dinner without another word. Brian stood next to the highchair and started blankly out the back window. Staring at her garden. He sighed, seeing Rachel's garden wilt was almost as bad as seeing her go. Even though the plants were withering, Brian didn't have the heart to take care of them.

"Daddy? Daddy? Done daddy, down down." Logan had been trying to get Brian's attention for a few minutes. Brian had been in such a trance that he didn't notice.

"Oh. Okay bud." He picked Logan up and cuddled him. Tears welled up again and again he tried fighting them off.

When Jennifer came home a few minutes later Brian waved at her and said "Going for a walk, be back later okay?"

Jennifer looked at her father with some concern. "Okay dad, sure. I'll watch Logan."

Brian left.

It had gotten dark by the time Brian's walk was over. As he neared his own home he paused, shook his head, and walked next door to Dylan's house. Brian saw him in the window getting into the fridge when he rang the bell.

"Come in!" Dylan shouted.

Brian came in and sat on the couch. He told his brother to go ahead and eat, so Dylan did.

When Dylan finished he made Brian stand up and talk to him.

"What's up dude?"

"I know you know about what happened to Rachel." Brian hesitated. He didn't really know what to say anymore. "I don't know how to handle this."

"I just don't want to go on without her. I miss her all the time, she's all I think about." Brian continued. "What am I going to do now that she's gone?"

"Well bro, I know this is hard. I know it is. But you have to think about the rest of your family. You have two kids you know. Rachel's babies. You have to take care of her children. You didn't just loose your wife - they lost their mother. Logan might be a little young, and it probably did not effect him as much as Jenn, but they both sorely miss her I'm sure. They need their father, that's you, more than anything right now." Dylan could tell that his brother was being eaten up by his sorrow so he tried to show Brian that he still had part of Rachel with him - within the kids they had together. "You know that I'll always be here for you too, I'm not going anywhere."

Brian broke down and cried again leaning on Dylan for support. "I don't think I can do this. Not without her." He sobbed.

Dylan comforted his brother as much as he could and sent him home to take care of Jennifer and Logan.

When Brian came in the door Jennifer hugged him "I love you daddy." She said. "I'm going to bed now okay?"

Brian nodded.

He saw Logan sitting there playing with Patches and sat by him on the couch. His mind started to drift onto thoughts of Rachel again. He planned on putting her headstone in the family cemetery the next day, and that made his heart ache.

The next morning, the sun had barely risen and he was setting Rachel's stone.

"I miss you. I need you back. Come back to me."

When he didn't get any kind of answer from her his shoulders slumped and he walked away.

He got back home and his phone rang. It was Dylan.

"I'm at the park with the kids and you're coming. Leave the house now, we'll be here."

Brian started to protest but Dylan interrupted, "No bro, you have to get out of there for a while. You need fresh air." Then he hung up.

Brian did as he was demanded and walked to the park. It was right next to Dylan's house. He found the nearest chair and sat down in it.

Jennifer had been swinging when her father arrived. She saw how unhappy he was and really wanted to help him but was unsure how. She got off the swing and came to sit with him, he was sitting in front of a chess table so she decided to ask him to play with her.

"Play with me. You set them up." Jennifer told Brian.

Brian noticed that she didn't ask, but demanded. Another demand on him. He thought about telling her no but when he looked at her and saw her face, full of concern - with eyes the same color as her mother - he couldn't. Brian pulled out the pieces and set them up.

Dylan came up to them then and asked Brian to play catch.

"I'm glad you came Bri, now do you want to play some ball with me?"

Brian solemnly agreed. After a few minutes he realised that throwing the ball made him feel slightly better. That's also when he noticed that he was throwing a little hard. Dylan was shaking his hand and blowing on it to take the sting away.

"Sorry Dylan, I guess I wasn't paying attention."

Dylan forgave him and they played just a little while longer. When the sun started to set Brian insisted that they go home and they left.

"Dad, do you mind if I go visit Aunt Johanna? I haven't seen her for a while." Jennifer asked Brian.

"I don't see why not, just don't stay too late. Curfew you know." He told her. Then he looked at Logan. "You tired bud?"

Logan nodded and put his head on Brian's shoulders.

"We'll be going to bed then." Brian told Jennifer.

Jennifer looked at her father. She almost told him not to sleep, to do something else, but she decided to let him do what he wants. Just like her, he was working through this in his own way. She waved goodbye and went to Johanna's.

Johanna answered and let Jennifer in happily. Even Carla seemed happy to see her.

"Hey girlie! I'm surprised to see you. I haven't gotten a chance to talk to the family since your mother passed. I'm so sorry you had to loose her." Johanna said. "Do you need anything dear? I'm so glad you're here."

Jennifer smiled, "Thanks Aunt Jo. I'm doing okay, as good as I can be I guess." She looked at her feet. "Daddy isn't doing so well though."

"What do you mean?" Johanna asked. "What's he doing?"

"That's just it. He isn't doing anything. We can't even get him to really talk lately. I've been taking care of Logan, and making meals. That doesn't bother me, but I am starting to worry about him. He hardly gets off the couch."

Johanna nodded and listened to Jennifer. "Well Jenn, it sure sounds like he's depressed, and heavily too. I hate that you have so much responsibility put on you at such an early age. The best thing to pull someone out of that is to make them do things. Have you tried that?"

"Well Uncle Dylan made him get out of the house today. I think that may have helped a little, but as soon as we got home he went to bed. Back to his old state of mind again."

"Oh honey. I know this is going to be hard on you. Do you want me to come stay with you guys for a while?"

"No, thanks, but that's okay. We can do it. Just like me, he just misses her. He'll come around. Something will pull him out of it. Something has to. I'll help as much as possible. I have to go now, thanks for seeing me. I love you Aunt Jo." Jennifer turned to leave then remembered, "Oh, by the way. Logan's birthday party is tomorrow. Late morning, probably about 11 at the park near the house. Make sure you come okay?"

"Sure will. I'll be there. Tell your dad 'Hi' for me okay? Bye sweetie." Johanna watched as Jennifer walked home. She felt really sad that the girl had a huge loss so early in life. She watched until Jennifer was out of site before going back inside to take care of Carla.

To be continued...